Good Morning

Still in Love

Yes, I'm still in love. I am so happy. Somehow it is quite strange. I don't know that it was all that good when we made love. I am happy that we did it. I hope to be able to do it again. I was thinking about how many times I have actually committed this act. I suppose only two, in reality. Although there was something about the third. I do need to call Olga. Well I don't know. What about Anna. Shall I think some more about her. Or should I think more about that dream I had the night before last. There were two girls. One on the bed and one off. I was trying to kiss the girl on the bed and the response wasn't so good. So I turned my attention to the girl on the floor and, although we did not kiss, there was something quite alive.

Good Morning. I woke up this morning thinking about you. Thinking about how much I love you. Thinking about how angelic you are. All kinds of images of you. And the sound of you voice. The scent of your breath. It was all there wrapped in my waking up. I don't remember my dreams but I sure did feel good this morning.

That being done, I can go on now to complete the rest of my thinking. The rest of my thinking being what. I was reading that book, "care of the soul" and really liking it. The thoughts about being so open to the universe and so open to love. The figure of Beatrice. To think about these things and to live them. What a Joy. The Knights of the Divine Sophia. Again this feeling of mythology enters into my being. All of this is somehow brought by Anna. She brings it all to me. She makes me feel it. So write. That is what I will do. I could write some more Yes stuff. I want yes from those little sneezes. I want yes in the way you stood there with your pants open and unzipped. I want you to say yes to me. I want you to say yes with 100% of your soul. So, what I need is to get a nice back ground for my picture. I wish that I had time to do a rendering. Perhaps I do. I could do some research and find some imagery about the wedding. Wedding Imagery. The mingling of man and woman. The spiritual nature of my life. What about Natasha. I like her. That is right. But she wants me to be in a cage. I won't be in that cage. When she looks away a fade. I reappear far away, in another state, another time with another woman. When she looks back I reappear. She sense the discontinuity, but can do nothing to prove it. Is that strong form of Judgement, that fundamentalism, a kind of denial. I think that it must be. Too much power in judgement makes those things hide from sight, but doesn't make them go away. Like insects who want to survive. All of these things. I do them because of you. I think about all of the things that I have done because of you. I have felt so much because of you. What about Heidi. That worked out so bad. Basically she did not trust me. I was so in love. Did I do something fundamentally wrong. I remember how she was talking about her feelings for Mike. I was convinced that her feelings were actually for me. It was at that time she was pushing me away. I remember that. I remember that quite clearly. What was it about that that made me go so intense. I really enjoyed that intensity. I really felt good about it. It made me feel like a million dollars. After reading that book, I begin to understand. I need to write to Wendy today. I need to get her an address. The next thing I need to do is to increase the communication with her. That is something I would really like to do.

That thing called Work

So what about work? I was going to have something written by today. I don't have it. I spent much too much time doing other things. I need to do some things about the stuff I need to get fixed. So what kinds of things do I need to take care of. I need to support that job ticket. How do I want to support it? Also what I want to do is to get something together for DR. I need to increase the productivity of that relationship. Write something that oozes respect. Something that speaks of my own self and something that reflects my love for Anna. I'm in love with Anna. I am happy that I have never felt enough pain to shut me down.

Open your heart to true love. Open your heart to true love. Open your heart to true love. Open your heart to true love. Open your heart to true love.

So I explore this terrain. Shall we go to Disney land. We need not go to Hawaii. We need not go Skiing. We need some place warm and tropical. I need to call the travel agency. Vacations. That is what I need. I think that I'm going to another trade show. Sometime in February.

So trust is important. I want to write something that states ever so clearly what we should do. I also need to call Alan Hlava and find out what he has written in Java. That is important. What we can do is to do what we must. That is right. Das is recht.

So each word is its own. That is good to know. I am happy. I suppose that she already got my message. I don't really know what I would do. I think that I would take a lot of thinking and plan my way quite clearly. Then I would just do it.