Morning Discipline

Worked out today. The aerobic class. It was good. Thought a lot about all of the things that I do. Thought a lot about a number of things.

About how much better it feels to work out than it does to drink. Thought makes the mind move. Just like the body moves in response to the muscles.

Thought about deepening my committment to the plan. To make the plan and to make it work. I need that kind of focus. I need to work on that.

I thought about the dance. Making dance a part of the plan. The martial arts don't seem to find the energy to survive. I should do them in the morning. I need to think about what I do for Anna. What I do for Natasha. How I provide them with leadership, and how I provide them with service.

To understand what they need and what they want. To take part in their lives and to be interested in it. That is a winning approach. There just doesn't seem to be anyone at work that moves things along at a wonderful speed.

That one guy, s.g. is such a loser. I don't like him. I started thinking about the guy s. He is always worried about other people knowing what he knows. He doesn't like to share, he doesn't like to open up.

I need a morning plan. I need a morning plan. What kinds of things do I want to get done each morning. What do I want to work on. I want exercise. I want to write. I want to do martial arts. I want to study philosophy. That is what I want. I want to mediatate. I want to fix myself breakfast and lunch.

I want to remember to do everything. I want to do it fast and effective. What is the first thing to do. Stretch. Get into the day gently. And with love. Embrace the day with love. Today I embrace the day with love.

I also need to make the drive productive. That is something to do. Breathing, eye exercises, meditation, listening to tapes.

Those are some of the things I could do. There are others. What I need to make sure of is that each minute that I spend I spend doing something useful and productive. That is vital.

I really want to write more. Enough of the graphics. That will come slowly and with time.

I can do somethings now, but mainly that's for others to worry about.

I guess that I got frustrated yesterday when I spent so much time and got so little done.

I did also drink on Friday night. That is probably more to the point.I think there is a lot to that.

These kids are going to grow up being so familiar with computers. What a great thing. I can't believe it.

Dasha is two years old. She came into the computer room. Got a CD. Stuck it in the drive and double clicked on the icon to start Reader Rabbit.

That is really just fantastic. It makes me feel so good. So young and so aware of how to use this fantastic technology.

It is really just fantastic. I wonder what all of this means. I need to think more about all of these things.

I need to work on the more disciplined aspects of writing as well. I need to do that. I am still so concerned with the effect that one e-mail that sent had on Wendy. I have yet to hear from her. I guess that I will give is some time. I will work on the words that I have been sending her. Try to focus on quality. Really give it some attention.

Think about the things that I would like to tell her. We all need to have something inside of us that gives meaning to what we do. That is called the moral structure. That is called fiber and dignity. There are many things to think about. Things like self. The dedication that I have to them. The customers. That is what its all about. When nobody cares then the whole thing just dies.

That's what happens. People have to care. That's what makes this whole thing happen. People have to care. There are people who don't or who care about all of the wrong things. That was kind of fun. This is really just amazing.

It is so good. That is what I like about it. I love them. I love the children and I love Anna. I love Natasha.

I want to provide for them all and I want to take care of them all. That is what its all about. Think about that. I still resent those birds.

What the hell is that all about. A bunch of fucking birds. Just think. We could be birds. We could fly.

Maybe we were the ones that screwed everything up. Maybe mammals are really the enemy. It was always birds who were the answer. Just some thoughts. There are others now too. Doug came by the lab on Friday. He wanted to see what I was up to. I guess that he wanted to check on things.

Luana also came by. It was good to see her. I think that I have some answers to the questions that she has. I think that she knows that. I need to watch that. What the hell is going on. I don't know that I like the music that plays in the basement and I don't know how much of it I can take. Or how much of it I should take. I don't know that I need to take much of it. This is still my house.

That is what he needs to understand. It is my house.