The Fabric of My World

Hello again.

It has been some time since I wrote. Things continue to evolve
their complexity. I wonder if your silence is indicative of verdict.
But my wonder is like my wonder of the interior of stars whose light
I observe occasionally upon an evening, but whose beauty (if I may)
has never ceased to stun me. There are, however, suns around which I circumnavigate and to whose stellar interiors I am far nearer. Naturally, the storms that
rage within these plasmas draw my focus more directly.

Yes, my sword still smokes with bloody execution. And sin (let us
call it as the others call it) becomes, once again, the subject of
my education. It is only now that I learn that there are sins
which are immune to the effects of time. On spring mornings they pierce
the heart with the same sharpness they displayed in their wintery
births. There is only one word which describes how I feel: shame.
But this must be understood in its old and often forgotten meaning, as
the monosyllabic signification of the horror we feel when the
primitive within us rises up and takes control.

The taught vellum, whose pure white smoothness is more beautiful than the sky, and upon which scars bear my signature, show me now only mercy and love.

Work

I'll do everything I can to help make IBM a more intelligent, sophisticated, adaptable and powerful organization.

Ramana to the zoo. I need to do that.

I want to touch you. I love you and so I know that you will allow me just to imagine it. At least that if nothing more. Noone can take that from me. I want to touch you. I want you to come to me with your cloths on but your pants unbuttoned and unzipped. I want you to stand there in the doorway while I lay on the bed. That's it. Just like that. In the doorway. Your pants unbuttoned and unzipped. Then I want you to go into the bathroom and run the water for a while. There I want you to change into the pajamas that you wore at Christmas. Soft and white with pretty pictures. Then I want you to come to me. I want you to get into bed with me. And I want you to look at me the whole time. I want you to look at my eyes. As you slip into bed with me. I want you to smile and turn to me your back.

Then turn to me and pull up the shirt to reveal the taut vellum of your belly and the softness of your breasts. And you arch your back and your eyes are open wide and your smile shines on me with a lovely radiance. I accept you. I raise your unbilical scar to my lips and kiss it with a soft sound. And I hear the echos of your "Yes" pounding in my head as I pull you into my face. I surface from that ecstasy to plunge again, this time just to gaze upon that zhivot like no other.

So now I know what it's like to carry a wound that never heals and a pain that never subsides. But I know also a love that never even flickers. And do you know what? I'll take it. It's worth it